Friday, October 21, 2011

Hank III - Attention Deficit Domination

I Fucking love Doom and Stoner metal. I can't stress that fact enough. They are the sons of Sabbath and BOC. The daughters of Deep Purple and Dio. Bands that believe in heavy doses of feedback and fuzz, droning guitars and deep bass. Groups like Sleep, Bongzilla, Electric Wizard, Weedeater, and Acid King. They epitomize what it means to be a Sludge/Doom band. What can I say, I like Metal, and I like Hank Williams III. So when I heard Williams was releasing a Doom album I was excited. This could be really good. He puts out these great twangy country albums that would make his grandaddy proud, heck, he even looks and sounds like Hank Sr. He's also no stranger to the metal scene, having found relative success with his band Assjack as well as playing with Phil Anselmo and Mike Williams in the band Arson Anthem. Sadly, though Williams is adept at putting out a damn fine country album and he's had solid work with his other side metal projects, "Attention Deficit Domination" is lacking in all the areas where it counts. Whereas a fundamental element of Doom tends to be repetition and drone, Hank just does something wrong. It's very repetitive and droning, just not in the right way. His vocals are drenched in effects and it sounds like he's trying to channel Sabbath era Ozzy, but more importantly they're just way too up front. It's all very competent and well produced but it feels kinda forced, even comical at times. It's almost like he's trying too hard. While there are a couple of tracks like "Make a Fall" and "Demon's Mark" that standout, the album on whole feels more like a novelty than a serious attempt at a Doom album. Maybe I was expecting too much. ADD is not a terrible album by any means. It's actually somewhat enjoyable and has it's moments, but what it comes down to is simple....there's way better Hank III albums, and there's much better metal out there, and I'd rather be listening to those.


Thursday, October 13, 2011

Disclaimer: This is an advice column, not an instruction to life, not direct orders. There is probably going to be offensive material presented. I'm not sorry, I support freedom of speech. This may not even be real...

Dead Abby,
I like to listen to deathcore/deathgrind/blackened deathmetal, but my non-metal girlfriend thinks I'm stuck in high school...can you help me explain to her the benefits of said genres?
 Sinking in Mainstream Pop!

Dear Sinking in Mainstream Pop,
Well...does she like her boyfriend to have an aggressive sexual appetite?  Does she want someone with exceptional social skills?  Does she want to date an optimist?  There have been many, many studies that show the benefits of music.  Of course, some try to pervert them and imply that the metal genres will only lead people into suicide, drug addiction and countless trips to their county health clinic.  This is complete fallacy.  Music stimulates the brain cells, can act as a pain killer, adds to people's general well being and can aid in health training.  Of course, when you look at these facts, one can only assume that listening to Celine Dion is not going to do what listening to Slayer, Whitechapel or Napalm Death will do to you.  Personally, I would much rather get nailed by someone listening to Macabre or Impaler than someone who listens to Maroon 5.  The beat would be better and I think the job would get done much more efficiently.  For people who have ongoing pain, listening to hardcore music is going to get the blood pumping, which can help in reducing pain.  Of course, I have to inquire as to what kind of music she listens to...emo?  Pop punk?  Hip-hop? If the genre differs too differently from yours, you may consider getting a new girlfriend...unless the hardcore music you expose her to is going to brainwash her into liking quality music.

Is it weird for me to want to have sex with someone just because I am not attracted to them?

Dear Hornfused, 
 *Editors note: Today's question is being guest answered "The Big Ugly". This self proclaimed Adviceologist has spent many an hour telling people where they are living their life wrong, of course this is after a few whiskey cokes.
Lindsey is that you? you sound just like a woman who I dated a while back. She was a woman of questionable virtue(read whore) also. Of course she was also one of those females that had dick thrown at her. Quite a lot of dick too. So before I answer your question One must wonder if you are oblivious to the amount of people with one of  the many  "social diseases". If you are running around stuffing as many gentleman vegetables in you with reckless abandon then there are far bigger problems than finding some sort of attractive quality. I have got to wonder are you attracted to them physically, well then I would suggest maybe lowering your standards, it is ok to hump someone way below your standards. Shame does wash off with soap, Herpes doesn't though so be careful!  Of course if you are playing rumpy pumpy with someone and can't stand their personality well then I would suggest you might try working out your repressed memories in a more constructive way. Then again I could be way off and you could just be one of those women who are sort of attractive and likes to bang fat guys and if thats the case, I can forward you my personal email.
 -The Big Ugly-

I'm looking for ideas on how to punish my partner.  How well does the silent treatment work?  Anyone have a record on their longest silent treatment?
-Silent and Deadly

Dear Silent and Deadly,
Are you a female married to a man?  If yes, this isn't a punishment.  Read again...THE SILENT TREATMENT IS NOT A PUNISHMENT.  In fact, I'm sure they have a commercial that relays this exact point.  Women have so much to say and men are really only interested in (generously) 10% of that (making a generalization).  Hell, women aren't even interested in everything other women have to say.  I think we're (as women)  pretty used to being tuned out. The longest recorded silent treatment I could find documented by the interwebs was 41 days.  That's some built up sexual frustration right there if I do say so myself!  But, really?! Do you really want to just shut them out?  If you're capable of shutting someone out for more than a week, move on...There's plenty of fish in this dirty, dirty sea.  Go swimming...go skinny dipping! Don't waste life trying to get back at someone!.....Huh?  Another thought, if you're really into punishment, you may want to pick up the book 'Different Loving', I think it could help you work out some of your 'punishment issues'.  There is a huge BDSM community out there and they're a pretty welcoming group!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

What is a Whistle Pig?

Is it,  A)  country slang for a groundhog B) a rye whiskey C) a band from Illinois or D) all of the above. Technically the answer would be (D), but in this case the answer is (C). Very little information is available on Whistle Pigs if your researching the band, there are more descriptions on groundhogs. More info is available over at

When I traveled to Kansas City to interview Split Lip Rayfield was the first I’d ever heard of the Whistle Pigs. The all day 2nd annual Missouri Chainsaw Grassacre was full of great music. Quite a few bands stood out as memorable and quite talented. Actually everyone on the bill was outstanding. The Whistle Pigs were one of the bands that made me walk over to the merchandise table and buy a CD. Not because they forced me, but because I wanted to remember the awesomeness they emulated while they were on the stage.

Made up of Joe McCamish (Banjo Joe), I‘ll let you guess his instrument of choice, Nate Graham on the upright bass, and Alexander (Delicious Aloysius) Pape who is an absolute madman on the accordion. Yes, I said the accordion. It is a highly underestimated instrument especially when in the right hands. You need to see it to believe it, or pick up their latest album “Bless Your Hearts And Livers”.

The bluegrass boys from Illinois answered a few questions for me.

Greg: How did you come across the name “Whistle Pigs”?
Whistle Pigs: It comes from the old song Groundhog and just like a Whistle Pig if we see our shadow during the day we hibernate for another twelve hours, eastern standard time.
Greg: Do you ever play any traditional material on stage, or mainly original songs?
Banjo Joe: It's about fifty-fifty.

Greg: I had the chance to see you at The Missouri Chainsaw Grassacre in Kansas City. I was a bit surprised when I saw an accordion come on stage. How was this chosen over any other instrument that Alexander is accomplished in?
Alex: I was originally the guitar player in the band, but I played accordion in another band and Joe asked me if I was either going to play the guitar or the accordion. I figured I would get more chicks playing the accordion.
Banjo Joe: I am a one instrument, one band man

Greg: At that same show Joe was tuning his banjo, and had made the statement that “tuning the banjo to an accordion was asinine” at that point someone from the crowd yelled “tuning a banjo is asinine”. How do you respond to that statement?
Banjo Joe: I don't recall that, but you can tune a fish salad sandwich with a bag of chips and a Pepsi, to go.

Greg: What did each of you do for a living before finding success with music?
Whistle Pigs: Slave Wage Manual Labor

Greg: When did you sign with Mudstomp Records?
Whistle Pigs: July 2010, God bless their hearts and their livers!

Greg: “Get that marrying out of your head, I’ll be a bachelor till I die”, “ I like to party boys when I do my chores” “ I got rockin’ chair money I got the hard hard way”. These are just a few of the clever lines from the album Bless Your Hearts And Livers. How much truth is there in a Whistle Pigs song?
Banjo Joe: “Bachelor till I Die” was written by Hank Williams and he was married three times by the age of 28. “Rockin' Chair Money” is by Billy Carlisle and no one really knows about him, and I love to party when I do my chores, so yes.

Greg: What is your favorite city to play in?
Banjo Joe: I love all the cities, cities are fun.
Alex: I don't have a particular favorite, which one is next?

Greg: How did you get booked to play a predominately heavy metal show in Dallas? What year was that?
Whistle Pigs: I guess you mean the Prophet Bar in Deep Elum, you got to keep your money in your socks or so we've been told, and that was around 2010.

Greg: Do any of you listen to Heavy Metal?
Banjo Joe: GWAR!!!.!!
Nate: I guess occasionally, Anvil need I say more?!
Alex: I like blacksmithing.

Greg: Being from Illinois, how do you put together a band that has such a southern cultured style?
Whistle Pigs: We're from Illinucky, that would be the southern section. Look at a fucking map, Yankees.

Greg: Where is PK’s?
Whistle Pigs: It is a bar where we get drunk, frequently. It is located at 318 s.illinois avenue Carbondale,Il Lunch served from 11 to 2 pm every Tuesday through Saturday. Make sure you stop in on Thursday when drinks are a dollar. Tell them Whistle Pigs sent you.

Greg: What is your favorite pro wrestling move, and  if you could administer it effectively to anyone in the world, who would it be?
Whistle Pigs: Our buddy Mouse just gave Goldberg a CD so we're going to have to let the Jackhammer talk for itself. You know who you are. America, Goldberg, Whistle Pigs!

Greg: Beer and whiskey of choice?
Whistle Pigs: Whatch'ya got.

Bless your hearts and livers and we hope to see you soon.

Whistle Pigs

by Greg Waldrop